1 Corinthians 7: Paul on Marriage, Singleness, and Your Calling
I was in the shop last Saturday working on a cherry nightstand. The piece had been clamped up for three days and I was finally ready to take the clamps off and see if the joints held. Cherry is a wood that moves. You can do everything right and it still shifts on you. I pulled the last clamp and the frame stood square. I stood there a minute with my hand on it, just feeling the weight.
That is the kind of satisfaction that comes from joining two pieces of wood together. It is also the kind of satisfaction that comes from a good marriage. But Paul spends most of 1 Corinthians 7 talking about something else. He talks about the people who are not joined to anyone. And he says that might be just as good.
What Does 1 Corinthians 7 Teach About Singleness
The Corinthians had questions. They wrote to Paul asking whether it was better to marry or to stay single. Paul's answer is careful. He does not say marriage is wrong. He says marriage is good and singleness is also good. They are different kinds of good.
Paul calls singleness a gift. The word he uses is charisma, the same word used for spiritual gifts. That is striking. We tend to think of singleness as a waiting period, a time before the real thing starts. Paul sees it as its own kind of calling. Some people have the gift for it and some do not. Neither is better in the way that one tool is better than another. A chisel is not better than a plane. They do different work.
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:32-33)
I have been married for twenty years and I know what Paul means about being divided. There is always someone who needs something: a kid with a fever, a wife who needs to talk through a hard day, a dog that needs to go out at 2 a.m. These are not bad things. They are the texture of a full life. But they do pull your attention in different directions. Paul is not saying marriage is a distraction from God. He is saying it is a different kind of focus, the same way he later describes doing all things in order in the church.
Paul's Advice on Marriage and Divorce in 1 Corinthians 7
Paul gives practical counsel for people who are already married. He tells husbands and wives not to deprive each other. He says they have mutual authority over each other's bodies. That was a radical thing to write in the first century. Wives were property in most of the Roman world. Paul says they are partners.
He also addresses a situation that was common in the early church. A person converts to Christ but their spouse does not. What do you do? Paul says stay if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay. The believing spouse brings a kind of holiness into the home. The marriage is not something to run from.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (1 Corinthians 7:14)
I have a friend whose wife is not a member. He has been married for fifteen years and she has never come to church with him. But she supports him. She makes sure the kids are ready on Sunday mornings. She asks him what he learned in priesthood. He says the marriage works because he does not try to force it. He just lives the gospel and lets her see it. That is what Paul is describing.
Meaning of Undivided Devotion to the Lord in the Bible
The phrase that sticks with me is "undivided devotion to the Lord." Paul uses it to describe the advantage of being unmarried. The single person can focus on the Lord without the natural distractions of family life.
I think about this when I am in the shop working on a single piece. There are days when I have four hours of uninterrupted time. I can focus on one joint, one curve, one detail until it is right. Those are the days I do my best work. Then there are days when I have twenty minutes between carpools and I am trying to sand a drawer front while someone asks me where the soccer cleats are. The work gets done but it is different.
Paul is not saying the interrupted days are bad. He is saying they are different. The person who can give undivided attention to the Lord has an advantage in certain kinds of spiritual work. The person who is raising a family has a different kind of spiritual work. Both are needed, the same way Paul describes the resurrection and spiritual bodies as different from our mortal bodies.
How to Deal With an Unbelieving Spouse 1 Corinthians 7
This section of the chapter is pastoral and practical. Paul does not tell believers to leave their unbelieving spouses. He tells them to stay and let their faith do its work. The marriage is not a compromise. It is a mission field.
I have seen this play out in my own extended family. My brother-in-law joined the church five years after his wife did. She never pushed him. She just kept living her life and he watched. Eventually he started asking questions. That is the pattern Paul describes. The believing spouse sanctifies the home not by preaching but by presence.
Paul also makes room for the hard cases. If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them leave. You are not bound in that situation. God has called us to peace, not to a fight you cannot win.
Is It Better to Be Single or Married According to Paul
The short answer is that Paul thinks both are good and neither is a sin. He has a personal preference for singleness because of the present distress, the persecution and instability the early church was facing. But he is clear that marriage is honorable and that each person should live according to the gift they have received.
I have a piece of walnut in the shop that I have been letting cure for two years. It is not ready to be joined to anything yet and needs more time alone. When it is ready, I will cut it and fit it and it will become part of something larger. That is how I think about the different seasons Paul describes. Some wood needs to cure while other wood is ready to be joined. Neither state is a problem. They are just different stages of the same process.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Paul believe it is better to be single than married?
Paul does not say marriage is wrong. He acknowledges it as a way to avoid temptation and a legitimate calling. But he suggests that singleness can be a gift because it allows a person to have undivided devotion to the Lord without the natural distractions of family life. His preference is shaped by the persecution the early church was facing.
What should a believer do if their spouse is not a believer?
Paul counsels that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, the believer should not initiate a separation. The believing spouse brings a sanctifying influence into the home. If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them go. God has called us to peace.
What does Paul mean by remaining in one's calling in verses 17-24?
Paul is telling believers not to obsess over changing their outward circumstances as a way to grow spiritually. Whether you are married or single, slave or free, circumcised or uncircumcised, serve God where you are. The external status is less important than the internal commitment.
Why does Paul mention a present distress as a reason to prefer singleness?
Paul was writing during a time of persecution and instability. He believed that the added burdens of supporting a family during such a volatile time would make it harder to focus on the urgent work of the gospel. His advice was situational, not universal.
I put the clamps back on the shelf and looked at the nightstand. It was square and solid and ready for the next step. But the walnut plank on the rack was not ready yet. It needed more time. I left it there.
That is the thing about 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is not telling everyone to get married or stay single. He is telling everyone to pay attention to what they have been given and work with it. The wood tells you what it needs if you are patient enough to listen. So does your life.
-- D.